Welcome!
The mild dewy fragrance of a sunflower. The incandescent ball of the sun lighting up the horizon in brilliant hues. The mellow strains of a clarinet humming its lullaby. When was the last time I allowed myself to be truly besotted with the wondrous beauty of things as such instead of getting intoxicated on the highs of exercise addiction and self-starvation? When was the last time I sat down to rest and watch a ripple slowly extend its generous embrace in widening concentric circles till it melted into the vastness of the waters beyond instead of letting my mind race round and round a track streaked by calorie-counting and uncompromising ritual observances?
The Beauty of Creation
These were questions I asked myself time and again over the last five years of my life. Yes. Five whole years. For five precious years, I was stuck with my eating disorder, anorexia nervosa. Ed, that is what I call it. For five agonizing years, I was "ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding."
Tears of a Hibiscus
Though I do not profess to have "fully recovered" yet, I am at a point in my journey where I have savoured the sweet luscious fruits of freedom. And boy, did it taste awesome! For me, freedom is a place where Ed's voice ceases to thunder as loud as it did before. And even where he beckons to me again, I know that I do have a choice not to fall back into his vicious trap.
The sweetness of freedom
It is my dream to share my journey with others who are also struggling in the throes of their eating disorder. My path of recovery is a lifelong process. It is a voyage to the heart of where no man has been before - the heart of "me". And I mean all of me - my thoughts, my feelings, my desires, my strengths, my weaknesses, my everything! It is a restoration, not only of my physical well-being, but of "me" in the full sense of the word - emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical. I am working slowly but surely towards health, inside out. Along the way, I pick up valuable insights. I learn. I discover. I connect with others. I form relationships beautiful in their imperfection. I love. I grow. I live.
Voyage
Together with my ever-supportive counsellor whom I have been seeing for three years now, we set up this website with the hope that in my tiny corner of the sprawling Internet web, you may find a glimmer of light that all is not lost, a ray of hope that you are not walking alone. Here you can read about our story. There will be weekly postings of journaling exercises and blog entries which I have found very helpful in understanding and expressing myself, along with a mish-mash of other resources such as inspirational writings, pictures, and useful links. There is also a page dedicated specially to all of you out there where you are welcome to share your personal thoughts. Keep your eyes peeled for the latest exciting additions to the website on the "Updates" page. Last but not least, we are jointly producing a quarterly support letter "Together, Towards Freedom". It promises to contain many exciting material. Click on the link below to download its very first issue or cruise to the Resource Point page to find out what it's all about!
1st issue - October 2009
So I invite you to journey with me on this road of recovery and rediscovery. I once heard it said, "Sometimes we die to relive." May we all learn to live out the essence of life that is truly meant for us.
The Road to Recovery
With warmest wishes,
Valerie